The Mighty Mike Colvin

from by Rhea Mendoza

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a drinking song for a living legend of the Midwest!

lyrics

Come, me lassies, me lads,
be ye rovers or cads,
raise your glasses of stout or of ale-

lend an ear if you can,
every broad, every man,
and I'll tell ye a wondorous tale-

of a sesquipedalian
who resides in fair Dayton,
Ohio, deep in the midwest-

and his name was Mike Colvin-
if you haven't heard of him,
then sit back and I'll tell you the rest.

Oh, Mike Colvin was a legend
(woah, easy does it)
his beard was so big
(well how big was it?)
he could defeat any villain with it
(even the right-wing bigots)

such might in his hands
(well that's what I heard)
he could high-five a man
(and send him back three zip codes)
Oh a toast to the mighty Mike Colvin!

Oh, this hero revered
for his Barbarossa beard
makes the girls swoon in the county Montgomery.

For in the times he’s morose
he’s still grandly verbose
so that even his brooding is lovely.

Oh—Mike Colvin was a legend
(Whoa, easy does it)
His dong was so long
(well how long was it?)
He could lasso in a dame with just one pivot
(I heard he could even ribbon dance with it)

His love was so potent
(He had to kiss in segments)
He could chest bump a friend
(and make the friend’s wife pregnant)
Oh, a toast to the mighty Mike Colvin!

Oh, Mike Colvin, it’s said,
Has a space in his bed
That the women compete to get laid in.

So all ye drinkers in town,
Let us have one more round
For Mike Colvin, the legend of Dayton.

Oh—Mike Colvin was a legend
(Whoa, easy does it)
His brain was so big
(Well, how big was it?)
He could recite the Oxford dictionary
(I heard he could do verbal karate)

He could kick a man’s ass
(Oh, that’s alarming)
Then make the same man laugh
(Well, that’s quite charming)
Oh, a toast to the mighty Mike Colvin!
Oh, a toast to the mighty Mike Colvin!

credits

from Slightly Dirty Songs, released October 26, 2012
clapping, spoons hitting jars, vocals: written, performed and recorded by Rhea Mendoza.

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