Thank you, consumer

from by Rhea Mendoza

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A special message to those who wish to purchase my album

lyrics

Dearest Consumer,

Thank you for purchasing my album. I’m going to use the money you send me for essentials such as food, shelter and medicine for cholera. Oh, I’d be lying if I didn’t say that cholera medicine is just a code name I give to booze.

But how’s a 100 pound girl supposed to make it through winter without hot toddies?

I’d like to say that all the proceeds of this album would go to cockney orphans with typhus.

But I’m going to be selfish, buy myself a tomato, slice in over the nickels I’ve poured into a bathtub and roll around in it naked till I’ve gone blind from nickel poisoning.

You see, I suffer from a condition known as "the American dream”—the idea that any ragamuffin with a song can make tens of dollars, just enough money to stave off a panic attack for about two weeks.

Thank you for staving off mine.

credits

from Slightly Dirty Songs, released October 26, 2012
music/vocals behind speech plus speech: performed and recorded by Rhea Mendoza.

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Rhea Mendoza Chicago, Illinois

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